Have you ever rushed into a relationship after experiencing a flood of romantic emotions? I have, and shortly after the high wore off did I realize that it was only a temporary high. These are the false emotions that often lead to impulse relationships and marriages.
It’s not a far stretch to assume that “impulse marriages” are highly likely to end just days or months following the wedding! However, recently there has been a trend of marriages where couples in committed relationships plan to wed, then divorce or annul the marriage days or weeks later. Celebrities like, Mario Lopez and his ex-wife Ali Landry dated 6 years and divorced after just 18 days of marriage. Nicolas Cage and ex-wife Lisa Marie Presley dated 2 years and divorced 107 days later. And the famous Kim Kardashian wedding to Kris Humphries dated for 6 months then filed for divorce 72 days later.
Is Marriage Becoming the End-All of Relationships
No, of course not. I believe the “reasons” for entering a marriage dictate the success and happiness of that marriage. For example, if you enter a marriage with the idea of a possible divorce, desires to change the other, or pressure from either side, the success of it lasting decreases significantly. It’s no secret, a marriage needs to be based upon a solid underlying friendship, trust, and commitment—and it needs to meet the needs of both people involved.
Before taking the plunge into marriage, have difficult discussions. Talk about your values and desired expectations “before” marriage, preferably, or at least early on. This allows the other to know what is anticipated and starts the process of open communication, which is extremely crucial.
Divorce is not always a solution and may only be an acceptance of defeat and loss when all other options have been exhausted. It should be a decision made with careful consideration and alternative efforts beforehand. Remember, when you commit to a marriage, you must commit to working it, every day! Marriage is not 50/50 it’s 100/100. Give 100% of you to your marriage and your values, and the likelihood of divorce will decrease.
Three Quick Tips to Consider Before You Get Married
1. Ask Questions
Yes, you must ask all the right questions BEFORE you decide to tie the knot. Areas of consideration include children, finances, sexual expectation, parenting styles, household responsibilities, religious and political views. It’s okay to have a “list.”
2. Know Yourself
It is important to know yourself and your expectations for a partner. If you are able to communicate your expectations clearly, you have a better chance at achieving success in your relationship.
3. Be Willing to Compromise
Compromising is a MUST in any relationship. However, it is important to know that it is not necessary for you to compromise at the expense of losing yourself. Embrace healthy boundaries while learning to compromise with your partner.
The key to avoiding divorce before marriage begins is knowing what you want. Beware! The flooding of romantic emotions may cloud your judgment. Knowing who you are and what you want “before” the wedding will save you from divorce.
Authors: Dr. Jada Jackson LMHC, LPC, NCC; Dani James UCF Psychology Intern